The reason Chicago politics is so corrupt is because, in modern American history, it's never not been, which makes it very difficult to clean up. Especially because every politician who says they're going to try and straighten Chicago out ends up lying and cheating worse than the pig who came before him. Imagine trying to clean up a greasy stove with a sponge covered in used Crisco and you'll understand the job of cleaning up Chi-town. Basically, it's the Frankenstein's monster of political machines—a thing, composed of scrap materials functioning for a common cause (money), that will only be stopped if it commits to self-immolation.

Here's the back story: starting about 100 years ago, Chicago's elected officials started to realize they could play the city's increasing number of immigrants off one another for financial and political gain. Shrewd politicians would employ ward heelers, people who implanted themselves into ethnic enclaves and promised government handouts in exchange for votes. "Vote for [insert name of rotten prick here]," they'd say, "and you'll get a leg up on those no-good Eye-talians." This is why so many Irishman became Chicago police officers.

From there, the favors and money flowed as freely as Capone's bootlegged liquor during Prohibition, eventually leaving the Windy City where it is today, with the goddamn Illinois governor auctioning off high offices.

If you're smart, you should be saying, "But that stuff happened in New York, too. Why isn't Albany full of criminals?" Good question! The short answer is: Albany is full of criminals, just like all of politics. (Remember Spitzer, the hooker-fucker?) The long answer comes from Slate:

… machine politics faded away in New York, due in part to external pressure from former New Yorker Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who was elected president in 1932.

Boston's pretty corrupt, too, as evidenced by this state senator stuffing a bribe into her bra just last month, but it's nowhere near as bad as Chicago, which has seen dozens of elected officials face criminal cases in the last three decades.

With the "WHY" out of the way, here's some of our favorite Chicago scandals from history.

THE LAGER BEER RIOT • In 1855, in a move of pure bigotry, Chicago mayor Levi Boone (the great-nephew of Daniel) ordered his police force to stop hiring immigrants and begin enforcing an archaic law that banned taverns from staying open on Sundays. He also raised the price of a liquor license from $50 to $300. These acts were clear attacks on the city's German and Irish immigrants, many of whom owned pubs and went drinking on the weekend.

After police arrested some tavern owners for staying open on Sunday, a huge crowd of Germans gathered at the court house to protest. When several of the protesters were arrested, even more Germans rallied to go forcibly take back their comrades. Boone had a central drawbridge raised to stave off the armed mob until he had gathered hundreds of policemen to fight it back Once the cops were in place, Boone lowered the bridge and ordered them to fire into the crowd at will. Luckily, only one man was killed.