Living at the height of the age of psychotherapy, it's only natural that the baby boomers would all grow up thinking they know what's best for everyone else. Call it "I'm okay, you're a Schmuck," phenomenon, or call it The Jerry Springer effect.

Whatever you call it, you have to call it crazy when America's still giving advice columns to some of the worst, most corrupted of these boomers; the thought process probably being, who better to tell you what not to do than people who have gotten caught doing it?

Here are our top five favorite "experts" who should keep their yaps shut and try taking their own advice for once.


Eliot Spitzer

What he's guilty of: Disgraced sex addict ex-governor does bi-weekly editorials in Slate about "The Best Policy".

Eliot Spitzer once spearheaded an initiative to clean up organized prostitution in New York City. Then it was discovered that he himself was a client of one of the biggest escort services in the whole tri-state area. The revelation of Spitzer's er, extra-curricular activities, plus the added bonus of America's newer, hotter Monica Lewinsky (Ashley Dupree) ensured that Spitzer would never work in this town again. Until, that is, Slate decided that who better to tell people about local government workings than a man who used to be at the center of it all, until his flagrant disregard for the same policies he helped promote made him the center of 2008's biggest sex scandal.

Accomplices: Slate, Ashlee Dupree, long-suffering wife Silda

Who else you don't have to listen to: John Edwards, Larry Craig, Strom Thurmond, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, all of these people

Randy Cohen

What's he's guilty of: The Unethical Ethicist

Sure, nobody's perfect, but if you tout yourself as the premiere Ethicist in the New York Times Magazine, you'd better make damn sure your hands always stay clean. And Randy Cohen, with his 9-year column, has done a pretty good job making distinctions in the somewhat dubious territory between right and wrong, skillfully doling out advice in 600 words or less. But in 2004, Cohen made a $585 donation to MoveOn.org, in violation of the Times policy of contributing to political campaigns. Cohen to this day asserts that what he did was no more unethical than giving money to those pederasts over at the boyscouts.

Accomplices: Those nags over at MoveOn.org

Who else you don't have to listen to: Anyone who tries to give you ethical advice, Rush Limbaugh

Conrad Black

What he's guilty of: Blogging while incarcerated for the crimes he blogs about.

Conrad Black used to be one of the be one of the biggest newspaper magnates in the world, hobnobbing with good friends like Rupert Murdoch and Tony Blair. But then the Canadian ran a little foul of the law, (most noticeably 13 counts of wire tapping, mail fraud, and defrauding investors at his Hollinger Inc.), and now he spends his days hoping President Bush will grant him clemency. Oh, and blogging about what Americans should do with their money during the economic crisis.

Accomplices: Tina Brown, The Daily Beast, a lax judicial system

Who else you don't have to listen to: O.J., Raffaello Follieri, Bernie Madoff

Dr. Phil

What he's guilty of: Practicing doctoring with a doctorate to doctor.

Oh sure, everyone loves Dr. Phil McGraw and his homegrown, tough love parenting style when he's on Oprah's version of the Jerry Springer Show. But next thing you know, he's making publicized visits to Britney Spears in the hospital and someone finally gets it into their heads to, you know, check out this guy's credentials. And yeop, Dr. Phil is not even licensed to practice in California (where he tapes). What a sham. Here's hoping Robin leaves his bald ass and they are forced to go into couple's therapy. Just so Phil can learn that not all problems can be solves in front of a live studio audience.

Accomplices: Oprah, Dr. Oz, wife Robin

Who else you don't have to listen to: Dr. Drew, Dr. Oz

Linda Tripp

What she's guilty of: Thinking she can still ride some fame by talking about the Clintons

Seriously, you have to admire the balls on this woman (not literally of course…who wants to see Tripp with her pants off?). More than a decade since she persuaded Monica Lewinsky to not wash that blue dress of hers, Tripp's finding a way to weasel back into the national spotlight, this time targeting Hillary, instead of Bill. Currently Linda blogs for WowoWow, and feels qualified enough to discuss Hil's Secretary nomination, because after all, "I sat in an office in the West Wing directly next to Hillary’s for over a year while serving as executive assistant to the counsel to the president under Bill Clinton."
Totally professional and qualified Linda Tripp. So glad she is back to bossing around the Clintons.

Accomplices: Monica, her amazingly good plastic surgeon

Who else you don't have to listen to: Anyone whose "advice" involves keeping sperm on your clothing for long periods of time. Dan Savage would never advise that shit.

Originally published Dec. 22, 2008