What did celebrities spend 2008 doing? Losing! Money, that is. More than a few of them saw the millions of movie deal dollars they invested tank, some more than others. But celebrities also gained something in '08. Namely, weight. That's according the lovely folks at public relations firm 5WPR, which, in an effort to promote a food industry client, handily points out the "Biggest Gainers of 2008." This firm should just shut down.

Or at the very least, might we recommend Zone Delivery USA — "a premier meal delivery service provider" — choose new representation. Because letting your PR firm promote your product with what might as well be a Star cover of "Worst Beach Bodies" doesn't exactly make us respect your brand, or want to sign up for your service.

Here's the client's list of 2008's biggest pound packers:

1. Joaquin Phoenix
2. Mariah Carey
3. Oprah Winfrey
4. Matthew Perry
5. Jennifer Love Hewitt

Now read the copy that supports the salary of a junior publicist:

Joaquin Phoenix “walked the line” from gorgeous Golden Globe winner to Hollywood dropout deadbeat, clinging on to the coattails of his A-list friends. Now that he’s sworn-off acting, he’s sworn-on his refrigerator. Mariah Carey is no longer every man’s “fantasy”. As a married woman, the average weight gain is 6 pounds a year; soon she’ll be crushing Nick Cannon! The Queen of Talk Shows, Oprah Winfrey might be known for her grandiose audience giveaways, but looks like she’s keeping all the food for herself. Has Matthew Perry eaten one of his “Friends”? He’s kicked some bad habits, but may be replacing the butts for burgers. Party of Five? Jennifer Love Hewitt looked like she was eating for more than one when she was caught by the paparazzi over the summer in her teeny weenie bikini.

Photo: WENN