In November, Shaquille O'Neal's media consulting firm, a kind of place where earthly demons do nothing for a lot of money, killed a funny but fake Twitter account that claimed to publicize Shaq's musings. A spokesperson for the firm said they ruined the prank in order to "protect the O'Neal brand."

Spurred on by the shuttered jokester, the real Shaq started a Twitter in late November and has since been dropping daily tweets. It must be tough to protect the O'Neal brand when the brand himself is a clownish chucklehead.

Shaq on perspective
"a sheep have if you called its tail a leg? A smarty arty would say 5 < but the super intelligent specimen, such as my self would sag its tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.. A ha got you"

Shaq on the ephemerality of fame
"Question were is dikembe mutumbo??"

Shaq on how sports are like war
"On my way 2 da arena. I feel like the main charachter n da movie 300"

Shaq on the agony of defeat
"Thanks jacob, but i hate lose at da crib bro"

Shaq on "da guy on da web dat commited suicide"
"Did anyone hear about da guy on da web dat commited suicide, my prayers go out to his family"

Shaq on his origins
"Watchn true blood, thats were i was born and raised, dat vampire town, shaqula has been discovered aaaaggggh"

Shaq on the weather
"Its so cold in porland the sun just sent me a text, yo shaq ill c u n may Schwwwwwww"

Shaq on nostalgia
"How come i have the mr rogers neighborhhood theme song stuk n my head, iz he still alive"

Shaq on teamwork
"Whatthe hell is wrong wit da suns"

Shaq on insomnia
"My son had a nightmare hes up wit me, he asked daddy how come u aint sleep, i told him, i dont sleep i dream"

Shaq on foreign crime
"Detective oneal does not jordan vander sloots story about what happened to natalee"

Shaq on the Big Three
"Do thee american manafacturers make good quality cars"

Shaq on "da ones real far"
"Even the aliens no me, da ones real far, i speak to em like ibadablaa, Jigamagla, bockeraaa"