It's the weekend, and you know what that means. Time to go back through our weekly vault and pick the best stories that never had a chance to see the sun. For the last weekend in January, there sure was a lot of talk about little bouncing babies: real, imagined, or just in comparison to the tantrum Blagojevich was throwing. Our favorites from the dredges, after the jump.

How Much Would You Pay for Sasha and Malia Dolls?

America's cutest children: How much would they go for on the black market? How high is Disney willing to bid for their name and faces? Hey, if Barack didn't want us objectifying his kids, he shouldn't have run for president or had such adorable daughters.

Bonus speculation: If Michelle Obama decided to have a third child, how cute would it be, am I right guys?!?! Sooo cute.

Twitter? Twitter Twitter Twitter Twitter!

Everyone's talking about Twitter, so we figured we should too. But since it's hard to fill up 800+ words about a networking tool that only lets you speak in 140 characters or less, we decided to see how many times you can use the name of the micro-blog in a sentence before you sound like a total rebo. Bet you can't beat my current record of one billion times in three minutes! Eventually we hope to figure out how to reply @ people and actually network.

Worst Baby Names

We already have an Adolf Hitler and Aryan Nation in the tri-state area, so what are some other terrible names to bestow upon your spawn? We're thinking "Neo-Nazi Fellatio," but we're pretty sure Pete Wentz is already planning that to be either his next child's name or the title of Fall Out Boy's new album. If not, we'll give that one to Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

What Are We More Sick of Hearing About: Academy Awards or the Super Bowl?

There's a very good analogy to be made between the strong Oscar contenders this year (Gran Torino, The Wrestler) being narratives of old men's redemptive comebacks, and Kurt Warner taking the field again for the Cardinals. Unfortunately, that's the most we know about sports, so we'll pass. On the other hand, if you guys want to talk about Super Bowl commercials, give us a holler. We're all over that.

Our Favorite Things About Rush Limbaugh

Scrapped when we couldn't even come up with one response for the conservative commentator who spent the last two weeks on a personal tirade against Barack Obama. Possible substitutes: Our Favorite Things About Rod Blagojevich (hair), Jimmy Fallon (hair), or Michael Wolff (umm…).