If life is a game, we, the sad bastards forced to live it, are winning and losing all the time. This is our attempt to tally the score. This week, while Liz Smith went the way of the cartoon monkey, only one of them was victorious.

CHAMPS

Liz Smith. Because if you're going to be asked to leave, you might as well be leaving the Post (but certainly not BELIEVING the Post).

The Octomom, for causing bitchy media infighting all the way to the bank.

Mel Gibson, who, amazingly, came off as quite earnest and endearing this week when discussing his infamous anti-Semitic, sexist rant

Tyler Perry, for continuing to make a killing off the "black guy in drag" shtick. We hope nobody tells him the Bible says you're not supposed to be rich.

Rick Santelli. This gentleman publicly explained his way out of a lie by blaming all the mendacity on his timid wife. Good for him.

Rupert Murdoch, who completely blew our minds by actually swallowing his pride and apologizing for something one of his holdings did.

CHUMPS

The people of Denver, who saw their Rocky Mountain News shuttered today, leaving them with just one daily.

WBAL-TV, the idiotic NBC affiliate that fired a guy simply for making the John Gibson joke video that the Huffington Post, through no fault of his, proceeded to run as real news.

Bobby Jindal. His terrible, aw-shucks Obama response may have cost him his shot at the presidency.

New York City Councilwoman Letitia James, who's asking black clergy to excommunicate Mayor Bloomberg for not being outraged enough at the Post's dead monkey cartoon.

Chris Brown. The alleged domestic abuser is reportedly trying to heal Rihanna's lumps with ice. Not the cold kind, either.

America's cartoonists, who can no longer create monkey drawings in any context unless they're accompanied by an explanation. We're officially a nation of fucking babies.