Welcome to "What America Wants," in which we dissect the box office grosses for the weekend to ascertain what everyone in this great country is in desperate need of this week.
Madea Goes to Jail
Tyler Perry's newest moralistic, cross-dressing offering took the top stop at the box office for a second week in a row, raking in another $16.5 million.
Conclusion: The only other film this year to retain its number one sales rank for more than a week was Paul Blart: Mall Cop. People are now so depressed that even the worst comedies in the world are sating their need to stop thinking about losing their home/job/spouse/college tuition for a few all-too-short minutes.
Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience
Amazingly, this super-popular, ubiquitous boy band of brothers couldn't crack the box office's top spot, coming in at second in their premiere weekend with just $12.7 million in sales. And because 3-D movie tickets cost more than regular ones, that take is even less impressive.
Conclusion: Either the Jonas Brothers are losing their heat, or cash-strapped parents are, at least for the time being, done with doling out more money on Disney crap. Last year, the Hannah Montana 3-D concert film made $31.1 million in its first weekend.
Slumdog Millionaire
Everyone's favorite Oscar darling jumped up two spots from fifth last weekend, bringing in another $12.1 million and bringing its total gross up to more than $115 million.
Conclusion: As with Indian restaurants, many people are afraid to try new Indian movies without a strong recommendation.
Taken
The shoot-'em-up that would not die, Taken managed to stay in the top five for its fifth week in a row. Earning $10 million, its U.S. gross is now $107 million.
Conclusion: Once again: in crappy, duplicitous times like these, it's fun watching villains get what's coming to them.
He's Just Not That Into You
THIS again. This fart-house flick tricked more sheep into spending $5.9 million to hear rich white people bitch and moan.
Conclusion: There are lots of idiots in the world.
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my only hope is that Madea soon follows the path of Ernest.
I'm no fan of Perry, but I'd watch Madea over the Jonas brothers (or any other Disney piece of jailbait) any day.
Interesting story. I think it was last your, my twelve-year-old daughter was watching American Idol while I was in the kitchen, making a pizza. All of a sudden I hear this clanging and yelling like someone is trying to break into the house. I run into the living room and here is my daughter, smiling her little ass off, staring at the screen. "What is it?! What happened?!" I yelled at her. she replied "The Jonas Brothers are on". She said it in a tone like Jesus had just ascended back to earth. Anyway, I look at the screen, I see three little gay (those clothes) boys clanging on instruments, screeching at the audience, and running around like somebody was shooting at them. All the while these little girls my daughters age are surrounding the stage, screaming and drooling.
I thought to myself, this is what is wrong with this country. Kids have so much stuff, they don't know what quality is anymore. It's to the point that if it's out there, they want it, whether it's bad or not. that's why I'm hoping this crisis America is going through that kid's will start thinking about what they are buying and how good it is for the money.
i took my little sister to see the jo-bro extravaganza this weekend and it ruled.
See what I mean?
@Johnny Fair Play: i was moreso referring to the experience rather than talent. for starters, quality is in the eye of the beholder. im not here to tell everyone that the jonas brothers are God's gift to the world, but i am glad my sister is excited about them. im glad that she has every song memorized and likes to talk about the lyrics and yells at me when i don't understand the "meaning" of the song. its awesome that the more she listens to them she starts picking up on harmonies and lines of music she didn't notice before. im glad that she wants me to take her to see the movie and wants to drive with me to go get cokes with the windows down and the jonas brothers blaring. it creates a way for me to not only bond with her, but for her to start getting interested in what music my parents or i am listening to and i assume in the future will also cause her to be interested in other books and art and ways of thinking. just because the jonas brothers aren't "quality" themselves doesn't mean a little girl can't make a "quality" memory or start down a "quality" path of interests.
rather than be tormented that kids across america aren't listening to whatever "quality" music you are listening to, be happy that kids are still listening to music and the art is alive and growing somewhere. imagine, your kids interested in something you are - music! now all you have to do is help grow and mature that enjoyment. don't complain about it!
i SAW THE BROTHERS ON snl AND i DIDN'T THINK THEY SHOULD CARRY A TUNE IN A BUSHEL BASKET OUTSIDE OF THE STUDIO. bRING bACK hANSON.
sOMETHING'S WRONG WITH MY FRACKEN CAPS LOCK!