While Madonna may have forked over only a pittance of her net worth to Guy Ritchie in their divorce — somewhere between $76-93 mill, if Liz Rosenberg isn't a liar — most of us have much less to spend on our breakups. That in mind, one benefit of this market crash could be that couples will be forced to stick it out for purely economic reasons, which, not surprisingly, works way better than trying to tell people to stay together for "the kids' sake." Divorce rates are down, perhaps because we literally can't afford to be alone. Below, we evaluate the cost-benefit of breaking up when times are tough.

The Mortgage

The Times did a story back in December about nervous yuppies trying to end their loveless marriages amicably. Of course, it's harder when the home that you two bought together and created a life in is now basically worthless.

With nearly one in six homes worth less than the mortgage owed on it, according to Moody’s Economy.com, divorce lawyers and financial advisers around the country say the logistics of divorce have been turned around. “We used to fight about who gets to keep the house,” said Gary Nickelson, president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. “Now we fight about who gets stuck with the dead cow.”

So if you were hoping that your hubby was going to buy you out of the house so he could move his mistresses in, think again. He might have to continue those crappy Motel 6 liaisons while you sit at home drinking white zin and resenting how easy your mom had it during her first three marriages.

Attorneys' Fees

If there is one thing movies have taught us, it's that you need a really good sonuvabitch divorce lawyer if you want to keep your piece of the pie. Even cheap lawyers for plebes (read: non-celebrities) can cost anywhere from $275 - $325 per hour, which of course can be subtracted from the $1500 - $5000 retainer you're expected to pay upfront. Typically, divorces will cost you around $20,000. Isn't staying in and trying to work it out between yourselves sounding better by the minute? The $28 billion-per-year divorce industry isn't going to miss your cash, but you will.

Those kids you pretend you don't have can get expensive

Traveling Expenses

You plan on jet-setting off to another state/country with your new paramour? Hope you don't have any kids or jointly owned pets: Even with gas as cheap as it is these days and airplane rates down because they keep dropping out of the fucking sky, you are still looking at every-other-weekend custody cases. Factor in the cost of trying to buy back your children's love when you only see them 2/15ths of the month, and you might as well just keep the rugrats and the spouse under your roof.

It didn't work for these guys, why are you any different?

Can't Afford Divorce? Don't Get Married!

Should seem simple enough, but it still didn't occur to Paul McCartney that Heather Mills might be after something other than his beautiful singing voice. So when she burned through her $46.8 million alimony in no time flat, everyone clucked their tongues and thought "lesson learned." So divorce rates are on the decline, but so are marriage rates, because why not live in sin if it will save you money in the long run? If your friends or family ask questions, just tell them you're doing it for the gays.