Chubby instigator Glenn Beck is going on tour to see all this beautiful country has to offer. Is he doing the academic lecture circuit? Nope. Is he…oh, say, going to be doing some sort of Fox News railroad to talk to the "common people" who he has rallied around his self-aggrandizing and fear-mongering tirades? Nopers. Is he going on tour to make a little extra scratch as a comedian? Ding ding ding, motherfucker. Guess those millions he's making off his radio show/sky-rocketing television program isn't the kind of moolah you get from being a stand-up comic. Um…

Beck calls his act a "poor man's Seinfeld" and intends to mix topical humor with his modern-day reimagining of Thomas Paine's 1776 pamphlet "Common Sense."

Is it weird how obviously in Beck's head, "poor man's Seinfeld" translates into "Seinfeld, without all the Jew stuff?" Observational humor you guys! How about those airplane peanuts?? (Be lucky you still have airplane peanuts. If the terrorists in the Administration get their way, the only thing you'll be munching on mid-flight is plastic explosives. And what's the deaaaaal with Barack "Hussein" Obama, anyway?")

Anyway, this is what happens when racist ventriloquist Jeff Dunham has the most popular special ever on Comedy Central. Glenn Beck decides that if that goofball can do it, every racist asshole probably can.