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A Brief History of Caroline Kennedy, Probable US Senator

Caroline Kennedy, the last surviving child of President John F., was born rich and will die rich as a scion of one of the wealthiest moonshining families in American history. Over the years she's used her surname to get herself into a lot of neat places people named Blagojevich and Hatfield can't go, but this new whim of hers is a doozy: Caroline now wants to be a real live United States senator, specifically the one that's going to take over Hillary Clinton's New York seat when she goes to work for Barack Hussein Obama.

Yay! This could be a win for Democrats, women and bullshit nepotism all in one fell swoop!

What makes Caroline qualified to be a senator? Um, she interned with her boozy uncle Teddy for a little bit back in the 70s. Does that count? Because if it doesn't, then, uh, NOTHING really.

Sure, she's a lawyer, but that's sorta what you do when you're a Kennedy. Going to law school gives the impression of purposefulness, even if after you graduate, like Caroline's brother John Jr., you fail the bar exam numerous times and then start a magazine (very interested in law, that one!). Also, remember that rich people lawyering is different from poor people lawyering. Caroline never had any debt to pay off after law school, so there was really no rush to, y'know, work.

Her first year out of Columbia law, Caroline had a baby, created the Profile in Courage Awards and started researching her first book. Who knew being a lawyer was so fun and fanciful and not time-consuming at all? In fact, Caroline so loved her laid back lifestyle that she turned down an opportunity to be chairwoman of the Democratic National Convention in 1992. Politics just wasn't her thing. Or was it?

Because these days, Caroline, now a mother of three and member of a couple boards, is all of a sudden interested in holding high office. JUST LIKE THAT!!!

Crazy. But crazier is that people are actually considering her as a valid choice, all because she's a Democrat, a Kennedy and a woman, and those are things that matter when it comes to choosing people to save the nation from ruin.

Ha ha ha! Remember how a few weeks ago the Democrats said they wanted to help bring capital "c" Change to Washington? We all totally fell for that shit, and now they're just cold giving senate seats to famous ladies. Four more years!

Comments (25)
No. 1 · Harry

This would be an absolute travesty and mockery of our democracy to let this hack have a job to satisfy her mid-life crisis.

In Illinois it's called corruption - how is this any different in NY? If Patterson caves and GIVES this to her, then this Democrat will be voting Republican in 2010 just to get these two assholes out of office!

Fuck her and the Kennedy name. Too bad she wasn't on the plane with her brother!

Posted: Dec 19, 2008 at 10:01 am · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 2 · maria

I don't see where her having children helps the argument. Sure, it's a fact about her life but it doesn't really hold any weight alone, there are a lot of senators with kids.

Posted: Dec 19, 2008 at 10:41 am · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 3 · 236, you're my wonderwall, that song's overrated, right? sorry I brought it up

Maria, it's not that she had kids. There's no implication that it's wrong for people in politics to have kids here. I think Cord just liked what she did and nothing she did was related to her law studies or her sudden political aspirations.

Posted: Dec 19, 2008 at 11:16 am · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 4 · 236, "don't get stuck on a glamour puss"

Um… I'm pretty sure I meant "listed" and not "liked." I'm going though a rough break-up, OK? Give me a break. Not the type of "break" 236 is making us go on. Oh….

Posted: Dec 19, 2008 at 11:23 am · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 5 · Sconnie

I'm really disgusted by this apparent "whim" of Caroline Kennedy. How much more do we need to perpetuate the whole American royalty crap? Seeing the name Clinton, Kennedy, or Bush really makes me want to scream.

Posted: Dec 19, 2008 at 11:27 am · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 6 · Ohio Larry

Well, at least she would likely be the only Kennedy without a sex scandle… that's something,isn't it?

Posted: Dec 19, 2008 at 1:34 pm · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 7 · John 21

I'm with most of you because I think it would be a shame to hand Caroline a Senate seat with little to no credentials, but wishing "she was on the plane with her brother"… Harry, you are an idiot!

Posted: Dec 19, 2008 at 3:10 pm · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 8 · KeeblerKahn

@ Harry

There have been a lot of travesties and mockeries of our democracy over the last 8 years but I just don't see this as being one of them.

The so called Patriot Act is a travesty and mockery of our democracy. What is being done in Guantanamo Bay is a travesty and mockery of our democracy. Bush and Cheney using the Constitution as toilet paper is a travesty and mockery of our democracy. Someone from a family of long standing political ties getting an appointment to office is business as usual. New York is the home of carpetbagger politicians.

You might want to calm down a little Harry before you give yourself a stroke. On second though, after that air plane comment you go right ahead and keep spouting crap till a blood vessel pops.

Posted: Dec 19, 2008 at 5:01 pm · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 9 · maria

@236, you're my wonderwall, that song's overrated, right? sorry I brought it up:

You're right, the mentioning of Kennedy having children was indeed part of a list, I just felt that it was an irrelevant point.

Posted: Dec 19, 2008 at 5:58 pm · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 10 · Andrea

Umm…I'm sorry, but you almost lost me when you said, "Barack Hussein Obama." I only kept reading to see if you would mention anyone other person's middle name. You didn't.

Posted: Dec 19, 2008 at 8:20 pm · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 11 · Shelle

Dearest Harry,
An attempt at intelligent discussion regarding Caroline's qualifications as a senator would have been interesting- but you wish she was on that plane with her brother?? You are truly saying that you believe she deserves to die?? Really??
I suppose you believe that your pathetic excuse for a life was personally ruined by Caroline Kennedy?? Because only someone desperately unhappy would say something so rude about another person- I'm sure you think it's her fault

Posted: Dec 19, 2008 at 9:09 pm · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 12 · Stimpy Kennedy Cat

That's quite a system of nepotism America has there.

One minor quibble with Cord's post: The Kennedys weren't moonshiners, they were bootleggers. That means they smuggled booze from Canada. Moonshiners make booze.

Posted: Dec 19, 2008 at 9:52 pm · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 13 · newsreader

I would have new respect for the Governor if he is brave enough to go against Obama and Ted Kennedy and NOT give this job to Caroline Kennedy. She is in no way qualified.

Posted: Dec 19, 2008 at 10:23 pm · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 14 · Johnny Fair Play

I thought this country wanted change? Nepotism isn't change. Isn't that how we got into trouble in the first place? W didn't have a lot of qualifications either, but his connections got him in with the repub party. I thought we were getting away from that. Why doesn't the governor put someone in that job that is qualified. Caroline Kennedy has plenty of power and money to run for it later. Maybe she should get some experience in local politics first. Alderman? Judge? You can't simply appoint someone based on a name. That makes his "change" mantra a bit of a joke.

Posted: Dec 19, 2008 at 10:37 pm · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 15 · Slayer

I know that just being a Kennedy doesn't make her qualified, but the fact that she's an educated woman who grew up in a political world does make her more qualified than just anybody, or even just anybody famous (not that that's a qualification, it's just mentioned a lot). I mean, I do have a bit of an issue with the appointment idea and would prefer if she was voted, but just the fact that she's a Kennedy doesn't make me dislike her as some people do (I'm lookin at you, Harry). Yeah, it would be much better if she went and got some lower level political job first (as Johnny said) - but come on, let's not just hate her for the name.

Posted: Dec 20, 2008 at 2:34 am · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 16 · Chelsea - PETA Protector

While I know that Caroline Kennedy isn't as qualified as say, Hillary Clinton (who actually did practice her "lawyering" until almost 3 decades ago, and then became a First Wife and stopped) but there are a few flaws in your argument here. First off, she DID pass the bar. It's unfair to compare her to her brother, who really had no apparent interest in the law–she's a different person altogether, who passed the bar in DC and NY.

She's also on the board of directors for the NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund (thanks Wikipedia!) and worked as director of the Office of Strategic Partnerships for the the NYC Dept of Ed. to raise money for public schools.

So, ya'know, not COMPLETELY unqualified. And since I come from no one cool, I'm not a fan of nepotism, but who says it's always bad? If she's got the country's best interest at heart, and definitely DID complete law school, who says she can't be a Senator? Ted Kennedy got JFK's Senate seat the same way. Chill the fuck out everyone.

Posted: Dec 20, 2008 at 12:41 pm · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 17 · VRWC

Yeah another Kennedy in government, just what this country needs :\

Posted: Dec 20, 2008 at 1:22 pm · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 18 · KeeblerKahn


Why is that a bad thing?

Posted: Dec 20, 2008 at 1:38 pm · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 19 · Chelsea - PETA Protector


People here are crazy. And there seem to be a lot more Matts. Can we please go back to MollyGood?

Posted: Dec 20, 2008 at 1:45 pm · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 20 · Chase

Its odd that Blago balked at naming Obama's choice Valerie Jarrett to the Senate seat without a bribe and now Blago is getting arrested, but Patterson is willing to consider Obama's choice of Caroline Kennedy, maybe in hopes of gaining favoritism from Obama? (and not get arrested) Actually the likely choice for the past 4 years has been RFK Jr, but he wrongly chose Hillary over Obama, so he won't be getting anything! Caroline is just getting her "Reward" for backing Obama. I would think Bloomy would want the seat if he didn't want to try for an illegal third term.

Posted: Dec 20, 2008 at 2:23 pm · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 21 · werdd

Where's YOUR site, Cord? Stereotyped off the map. Don't get yourself get played by these drunk, manipulative saltine consorts. Where is your voice, my macaroon brother? The price of selling in is too high AND too low.

Tell the truth homie, and swear it on your soul, baby!

Posted: Dec 20, 2008 at 10:28 pm · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 22 · tony the tiger

caroline kennedy would be an awful choice as senator because she is still of child bearing age so she would be completely out of pocket at least once a month….either that or irritable and unlikely to make good decisions just once a month

plus she'd always be running to the ladies room in the capitol building to check her hair and makeup

Posted: Dec 21, 2008 at 12:49 am · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 23 · blackberry

Politics aside, many candidates have campaigned and won senate seats with fewer credentials.
Putting politics to the front, a VP candidate that cannot dress appropriately or conduct themselves with any grasp of decorum and dignity shouldn't be running either.

Posted: Dec 21, 2008 at 3:55 pm · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 24 · Stella

@Chelsea - PETA Protector: Absolutely correct, Chelsea. And to Johnny Fair Play who states: Nepotism isn't change, why don't we have a discussion about the Bushes? I notice you didn't bring them up.

To Stimpy Kennedy Cat who cited the Kennedys as bootleggers, why didn't I see any comments about Prescott Bush, who made his fortune financing the Nazis. Giving aid and comfort to the enemy is called TREASON.

It has also been suggested that the money he made from these dealings helped to establish the Bush family fortune and set up its political dynasty. See The Guardian UK:

Caroline Kennedy is clearly qualified. Who, here, has passed the bar in two states?

Posted: Jan 3, 2009 at 3:50 pm · @Reply · [Flag?]
No. 25 · Chris

If Caroline Kennedy is indeed a member of the BAR, then that membership precludes her from holding any office of trust or profit, as stated in the original 13th Amendment of the Constitution that was ratified in 1819.

"If any citizen of the United States shall accept, claim, receive, or retain any title of nobility or honour, or shall without the consent of Congress, accept and retain any present, pension, office, or emolument of any kind whatever, from any emperor, king, prince, or foreign power, such person shall cease to be a citizen of the United States, and shall be incapable of holding any office of trust or profit under them, or either of them."

Posted: Jan 23, 2009 at 1:13 pm · @Reply · [Flag?]
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