Hugh Hefner generously announced today that naked Miley Cyrus would be nakedly “welcomed in [his] magazine” full of naked ladies—when she’s of age, of course. [Us] This isn’t the first time that the doddering coot, or his kin, pulled such a stunt, knowing full well the offer would get a write up in the gossip columns, but that the starlets would never agree. Below, a look back at some of the million dollar deals, made by creepy old men, and Joe Francis, that never were.

Hugh Hefner/Playboy

• Ashlee Simpson, $4 million
• Heidi Montag, $1 million
• Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards, $1 million
• Paris Hilton, $ unknown, “standing offer”
• The Olsen Twins, $ unknown
• Lindsay Lohan, $ unknown
• Britney Spears, $ unknown (and contingent on “getting her life together”)

Joe Francis/Girls Gone Wild:

• Ashley Alexandra Dupré, $1 million to appear nude in a magazine and on video, rescinded after he realized he already had (underage) footage

Larry Flynt/Hustler:

• Ashley Alexandra Dupré, $1 million
• Anyone who’s had sex with a “high-ranking government official” and has the evidence, $1 million

Guccione/Penthouse:

• Monica Lewinksy, $2 million