Did you hear? European astronomers have discovered a new planet (tentatively dubbed “581 c”) which orbits red dwarf star Gliese 581 and could, conceivably, house life outside our solar system! Thankfully, CNN is quick to hit us with the cold, hard facts:

You could have a birthday party every 13 days because that’s how fast this new planet circles its sun-like star. But watch the cake — you’d weigh a whole lot more than you do on Earth.

You might be able to keep your current wardrobe. The temperature in this alien setting will likely be a lot like Earth’s — not too hot, not too cold.

And here we were concerned we’d have to leave our Pucci swimsuit behind! Anyhow, you’ve done well, CNN, but answer us this. Does this new “mystery” planet have MTV?