Although we can’t always shake the nasty habit of writing in the royal we, occasionally one of our editors decides to shake off the cloak of anonymity to write a short, pithy statement long, rambling diatribe about a topic of their choice. Today, Debbie Newman is that editor.

If you're anything like us, then you most likely did not spend the bulk of your Sunday afternoon reading Page Six magazine and pouring over an interview with Seventeen EIC-turned-entrepreneur Atoosa Rubenstein.

Fortunately, Portfolio blogger Jeff Bercovici is a bird of a different feather. And thanks to his helpful/informative recap, we've learned that, in addition to biting the hand that feeds—er, fed her, Atoosa has also finally come to the realization that she is, in fact, a freakshow.

In her final days working for Cathie Black at Hearst, Rubenstein says, she started to relate to the main character in Million Dollar Baby. "At the end, Hilary Swank is on resuscitators and asking them to unplug her. She was like, 'I don't need to live anymore. Everything I wanted to accomplish, I've already accomplished,'" says Rubenstein. "And I sort of felt like that."

Never one to scrimp on the metaphors, Rubenstein also likens her former life to a hamster wheel and a circus freak show. "And I was immediately swooped up into being one of the head freaks."

First off, thanks for the heads-up on Million Dollar Baby. Really! It's not as though we consciously avoided reading about it for, oh, the past three years only to have you ruin it for us two days before it was slated to arrive from Netflix.

Secondly, as undeniably successful as Atoosa is (i.e. young, married, and responsible for such groundbreaking articles as "Don't Let PMS Cramp Your Style!" and "You Probably Have HPV")* we're having trouble believing that (a) she's already accomplished every single thing she's ever wanted to accomplish and (b) the trials and tribulations of a tween magazine editor are somehow analogous to those of a (fictional) paraplegic boxer who, according to Wikipedia, "attempts suicide by biting her tongue multiple times in an attempt to bleed to death" before eventually being euthanized.

*Article names may have been changed to disguise our ignorance of all things Seventeen magazine.