• Simon Cowell: Worst. Friend. Ever.

• With one, single, remarkably unflattering picture, all that hype aboutt Britney's "hot new bod" is officially debunked.

• Danny Bonaduce apparently unaware of the "Old Guys Must Wear Shirts At All Times" rule.

• Katherine Heigl furtively smokes a cigarette. It's okay, Katherine. We all know Knocked Up was just a (ridiculously funny) movie.

• "Shocking Lindsay Lohan pictures?" We're not sure that's even possible.