• Lindsay Lohan's new boyfriend Riley Giles was totally engaged to some non-famous person prior to meeting the Lohan! Also surprising: The news that someone else was physically attracted to Giles and his Hawaiian shirt collection.
• Britney Spears sees Kevin Federline's eye patch and raises him a pair of sunglasses at night.
• Diddy takes that guy he slapped out to an overpriced NYC restaurant in transparent attempt to ward off a lawsuit.
• Disney execs have decided that Vanessa Hudgens has "decided" not to return for High School Musical 3.
• Jessica Alba fends off persistent rumors that she's only famous because of her amazing body by wearing a slutty dress with a giant zipper down the front and a neon sign on her forehead reading "Easy Access."
• Don't hate Elizabeth Hurley because she's married to some Indian maharajah. Hate her because, even at age 42, she still has annoyingly perfect breasts.
[Image via Bauer-Griffin]
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