• Could it be that Britney's not really a chubby alcoholic (and unfit mother) so much as a ruthless self-promoter and marketing genius, whose calculated eccentricities enabled her to turn the tides on the tabloids and pull off the comeback of the century?

• Eh, probably not.

• Someone keyed David Spade's car, presumably mistaking him for someone more important.

• Just because Paris Hilton's "temporarily" postponed her trip to rescue Rwandan orphans doesn't mean she doesn't have a minute or two to disingenuously show her support for our troops.

• Tyra's uterus looks fierce in those tights.

• Jessica Simpson apparently finds Owen Wilson's bathroom etiquette irresistable; the blond twosome are said to be dating.