• Joe Simpson takes time off from micromanaging his daughter’s career to micromanage her social life.

• Seeing these college frat guys dressed up as The Golden Girls makes us nostalgic for that episode where Blanche made a sexual innuendo, Dorothy rolled her eyes and Rose said, “What? I don’t get it.” And for those college nights when you’re too inebriated to worry about how those incriminating drunken photos will impede your post-graduation job prospects.

• Recovering alcoholic Lindsay Lohan allegedly knocked back a few drinks this past Thanksgiving. Presumably, the inevitable consequence of spending any extended period of time with her mother/enabler Dina.

• What do Tom Green, Zach Braff and the “Mac” guy all have in common? They’re all awkward, gangly men who have, inexplicably, boned Drew Barrymore.

• Dancing With The Stars winner Helio Castroneves capitalizes on his fifteen minutes of fame by dumping his fiancée of six years. Her first indication that something was amiss? Helio was seen smooching his dance partner in the season finale. That, and they were engaged for six years.