• Think everyone gets what they deserve? Think again! Unfit mother Britney Spears purportedly received "$30,000 in leather and fur coats, $10,000 worth of diamonds and $4,000 worth of sunglasses" all for making it to the tender age of 26.

• Even better? She spent the big 2-6 fighting to regain custody of her children partying with supposed nemesis Paris Hilton and drinking herself into oblivion.

• Meanwhile, Paris Hilton injects her lips with enough chemical Restylane to kill a small club promoter.

• Tired of getting the old once-over from the cross-eyed fellow at the corner deli? Just be glad you're not reduced to eating the high-cal, low-taste school sponsored delights that gave you lifelong gastrointestinal problems and the high school nickname of "Thicky."

• The oft-photographed actress Kate Hudson (seen here "spontaneously" laughing) has almost as much fun walking the red carpet as those giggly Neutrogena chicks do washing their faces.