• David Beckham proves that he's the full package.

• Have you ever noticed how obnoxiously rich people are often miserly and sort-of eccentric? Perhaps this explains why Britney Spears is exceedingly fond of wearing clothes from Target and shoplifting items worth approximately $1.25.

• Mary Louise Parker gets back with her ex! No, not the one who dumped her when she was 8 months preggers. The one who has a goofy stache and played "The Heart Patient Who Finally Died" on Grey's Anatomy.

• Michael Vick receives 23 months in the pokey for training pit bulls to kill one another and euthanizing the kind, gentle ones who never really got the hang of it.

• Who says paparazzi photos can't be avant-garde?

• Winona Ryder's sex tape would be hilarious if only we weren't still deathly afraid of all things resembling the Chucky doll.