• Kirstie Alley is “stepping down” as the spokesperson for Jenny Craig. Fatties are so self-hating.

• Based on her topless photo spread, rumors that Lindsay Lohan had breast implants were false.

• Okay, Elisha Cuthbert, this is the last time we’re writing about you until you make out with another chick. Going to first base with Paris Hilton only takes you so far.

• That’s cute: Spencer Pratt thinks he important enough to have a feud with Madonna.

• Ah! Our boss man is coming back from Amsterdam.

• Girl kisses, the Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson edition.

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