• OMG! Harry Potter is hitting it with Hermione. If J.K. Rowling were dead, she'd be rolling over in her grave. Since she's alive, she's probably pleased with any extra DVD sales that result from the romance.

• Gene Simmons has a sex tape. We're only surprised this didn't surface earlier.

• Jessica Simpson doesn't want to become the next Kirstie Alley, and is consequently being sued for $10 million.

• Speaking of Simpsons, Joe Simpson wants Tony Romo to become the next Nick Lachey. Not a good call, man.

• Britney Spears needs the anti-depressants that help people remember to wear underwear.

• Lourdes Maria Ciccone Leon growing fame makes us feel old.