• K-Fed isn't entirely sure that his crotch-flashing, head-shaving ex is qualified to raise their children.

• Meanwhile, Britney Spears, who apparently suffers from short-term memory loss, claims she never should have been forced into rehab.

• Which, naturally, is all Lynne Spears' fault.

• In other news, Kathy Griffin reveals Dick Cheney's innermost masturbatory fantasies.

• Katie Holmes goes for the dowdy, Michael Jackson look.

• Paris Hilton goes incognito, continues to deny her (blond) roots.