• Madonna carries unnecessarily heavy handbag, treats onlookers to unwanted "gun show."

• Not only was Lindsay Lohan arrested and thrown (temporarily) in the clink! She's also dirt poor! How tacky.

• OMG, did anyone ever notice that Carrot Top and Fergie have the exact same face? It's terrifying! And amazing. But mainly just gross.

• Who wears short shorts? Unfortunately, Amy Winehouse does.

• Meanwhile, Heather Locklear ain't what she used to be. But she's still much, much hotter than most women half her age.