• Actress/mascara model Penelope Cruz is nothing but a thin-lashed fraud. And that's not the only thing fake about her. (Um, yeah, like that phony accent is real!)

• Buy your celebrity bobblehead today! Or just stare at pictures of Nicole Richie and Rachel Zoe instead.

• Dakota Fanning is growing up before our very eyes! First come the skinny jeans, then before you know it, the coke-fueled driving under the influence (and with a suspended license) charges.

• Ali Lohan comes to big sister Lindsay's defense, characterizes Michael Lohan as a deadbeat dad (well, obvs) and defends Dina Lohan's parenting style as "more than adequite."

• Check it out! It's Denise Richards in a bikini without "that greasy douche from Bon Jovi."