• "No fair!" whined a totally jealous Ashley Olsen. "If Mary-Kate gets to suck face with a 63 year-old bald guy, then so do I!" Unfortunately, repeated calls (and "9-1-1" text-messages) to Telly Savalas went unanswered.

• There's an old expression that goes "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Which still doesn't explain why Sienna Miller invited her new leading man over to her London flat for a romantic homemade dinner of….beef stew.

• Tom Cruise out for a stroll with his identical hair-twin/wife.

• Jesse Metcalfe has dreams of becoming "the next James Blunt." Which is to say, a lanky, shaggy-haired doofus who inexplicably bangs much-hotter chicks. Hey, you know, we can actually kind of see it.

&bulll; This one goes out to the ones who love "Pamela [Anderson] and her deformed funbags."