• Jeez! Can't a famous actress go down on her boyfriend in public without the paparazzi making a federal case about it? A little privacy, people!

• Nappy-headed ho tall black woman sues Don Imus for defamation of character.

• In addition to training her 2 year-old son to fetch her cigarettes (or as Brit calls them, "Mom's Lollipops") Britney Spears is also (allegedly!) a perma-drunk, nanny-seducing lesbo.

• As it turns out, Jerry Seinfeld really is "Master of His Domain."

• The most romantic moment of Evan Rachel Wood's (admittedly short) life? Making out with androgynous goth rocker Marilyn Manson amidst a thunderstorm of blood. Sexy-time!

• Crazy South Carolinian inmate files a (handwritten!) lawsuit against puppy-killer/NFL star Michael Vick.