• Anne Coulter's (alleged) breast augmentation surgery totally trumps John Edwards' $400 haircuts.

• They tried to make her go to rehab, Amy Winehouse said, "No thanks. Think I'll just sit here and scratch the fuck out of my husband's face instead."

• International assassin Jason Bourne thwarted…by Agent Pampers (a.k.a. his 14 month-old daughter).

• Hayden Panettiere turns 18, celebrates by stripping for a bunch of sex-crazed forty somethings.

• Jerry Lewis mourns for Merv Griffin is his own, personal way.

• And Tyra Banks is no longer in the running to become "America's Next Top Comedian."