• David Beckham has trouble doing his six-year-old's math homework. Which explains why he's convinced that he's married to a twenty-something.

• Britney Spears reportedly had another yak attack, and was then carried out of the bar "sobbing and covered in sick." Nice!

• Lindsay Lohan's new boytoy is quite the catch! If by "catch" you mean "someone who likes having sex with two coked-up prostitutes, and then filming it, just for fun."

• Meanwhile, pictures of Lohan passed out in DJ Samantha Ronson's car are disturbing. Or hilarious, depending on your perspective.

• It's a beautiful day for Miss Universe bikini pictures. BONUS: Miss USA is actually standing upright, for once!

• Brittany Murphy's husband once bought his former fiancé a fake engagement ring. So she responded by having a fake affair.