• We're not saying Keira Knightley has an eating disorder. We're only kindly requesting that you consider donating some of your spare change to the "Please, For The Love Of God, Buy This Woman A Big Mac" fund.

• Who tops the list of "Celebrity Lesbian Crushes?" (Hint: It's not Penelope Cruz).

• More signs that Britney Spears is no longer the irresistible sex symbol that she once was: creepy magic-man Criss Angel has pretty much done everything short of signing an affidavit and taking a lie detector test to dispel rumors that the two are romantically involved.

• Audrina and Lauren Conrard show off their beach bodies, but it's just not the same without Heidi's new funbags.

• Christian Bale has lady-hands! Either way, he's still infinitely cooler than Christian "Grabby Hands" Slater.

• Style maven Tim Gunn is tired of gays thinking they can "make it work" in too-tight pants that spotlight their genitalia.

• Eve wishes her court-ordered SCRAM bracelet was less "annoying," more fashion-forward.