• At a W magazine party honoring Jessica Simpson's new stylist, Simpson commandeers the balcony and makes sure her security guards are there to protect her from the wayward glances of non-famous people.

• David Beckham is sidelined for the rest of the season; "NOOOOOO!" cries the LA Galaxy, everyone who bought non-refundable tickets.

• Not content with merely exploiting every solitary moment of Owen Wilson's public breakdown, the mainstream media changes direction and focuses its attention on ruining the life of his equally famous brother, Luke.

• Certified MILF Bridget Moynahan takes her baby out for his semi-public debut, presumably, after dressing him in his coveted "Supermodel" onesie.

• Natalie Portman, seen through the eyes of a total pervert.