If one more celebrity's loser brother ends up on a blog, it will (according to the theories of Jeff Bercovici) be a trend. Of, course, we don't cohere to any "theory" rules, so, we think two loser brothers will be enough for today.

First we have Paris Hilton's little brother Conrad, who ended up on The Superficial yesterday for making a Paris face. He's twelve — we don't think he's quite ready to be making the "I wanna suck you off" expressions quite yet.

Ever wondered what it would be like if Paris Hilton wasn't the most screwed up one in her family? Yeah, me neither, because the thought is so frightening I crapped my pants just talking about it. Anyways, above is a picture of her 12-year-old brother Conrad. He's only 12 so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, but things aren't looking so promising for him. It's usually not a good sign when looking at a picture of a 12-year-old makes me want to punch through my monitor in anger.

Then, we have a bloggers account of Scarlett Johansson's brother hitting on her boyfriend at a lesbian bar. We're not sure why little bro' is cruising dudes at a puddle dive, but we'll take his word for it.

Scarlett Johansson is at the top of FHM's list of sexiest women in the world, which might improve her brother's pick-up lines. This past weekend, Fang, a.k.a. Mister Offender - my man, was hit upon by Johansson at Astoria lesbian dive-bar, Albatross.

His introductory statement didn't exactly set Fang to swooning: "Hi, I'm Scarlett Johansson's brother." (To which I would have replied, "Hot. I'm Lindsay Lohan's dog-groomer," but I wasn't there.)

We don't blame the parents. We blamed the other people in regular society who actually encourage these people by talking to them.

Even so, we are begging: Kathy, please. If you can't get Paris to close her legs, at least get the little one to close his mouth.

"Uh, hi, my sister is the world's sexiest woman." [Manhattan Offender via Gawker]
Paris Hilton Has Brothers [The Superficial]