In reading Bob’s recent statements about content piracy to the US Chamber of Commerce, I was infuriated to see that upper crust management who play within the interactive environment seem to replicate the same broken approach over and over again when it comes to content creation/management in the interactive realm. (http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/thr/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1003189361)

Here’s a how to guide on how to approach the internet as infringing technology, as opposed to the opportunity it really is.

Step 1:

Don’t use the medium. It would make no sense to have any familiarity with the medium you chastise, because that would presume your opinion comes from an informed place. Get your assistant to read your email, get the IT guy to set up your black berry, peruse a site or two with an antiquated browser and that should be enough. Any pursuit beyond the minimum would be a mistake as it would likely allow you to see beyond the immediate and foresee solutions that your closet technophobe social group couldn’t fathom. Staying stupid is senior management mantra and should be yours if you want to get ahead and continually drive your business into the ground.

Step 2:

Listen to your lawyers because they have your best interest at heart. Legal implications should always be vetted with the most expensive and uninformed legal team available. You’ll waste a lot of money and really not have any real clear indication of what a real solution could be. Using your legal team as much as possible will not only look like you’re doing a good job on your P&L, it’ll make you feel good about all the time spent on something that proved completely fruitless as opposed to really working toward a solution that is innovative. Spend as much money as you can in legal, so that you’re forced to recuperate those expenses elsewhere. This step is key in the ‘Stupid Decision Making Process’, which again is head-honcho mantra. Word.

Step 3:

With unbiased legal advise in hand, fire up the propaganda machine. Pull other uniformed dinosaurs into a closed session that’ll allow for maximum voice with minimum input. Make sure to use threatening language to convince others that what you’re talking about is in fact really important, especially if it isn’t. Make sure not to use facts or if you want to, make sure your facts are skewed to support your uninformed opinion. Don’t look for, in fact ignore and discredit any truthful information that could prove useful.

Step 4:

Ignore history. This is especially important, because as humans we aren’t supposed to learn from our mistakes. If you’re in the business of manufacturing content, the RIAA is probably the only organization you should interact with as they have developed the most successful formula to ensure a complete lack of success. The RIAA has set the stupid bar pretty low, but without effort it’s almost guaranteed that it can be lowered even further.

This quick overview is the equivalent to attaining a Harvard MBA in the world of reverse success and pretty much guarantees that the great majority will likely suffer from your efforts and we’ll be sure to thank you for it when we’re allowed to speak.

Allen Rozon
President of the Internet