"I am very interested in celebrities and always have been. I have the same burning questions as everyone else, about Tom and Nicole's relationship and why did Brad and Jen break up. It's impossible to get jaded with celebrities."

That's Bonnie Fuller, opening up to Media Life about her unique perspective on celebrity culture. And while we're momentarily stunned by her outdated references (Brad and Jen break up? Tom and Nicole??) we're simultaneously gearing up for what promises to be an insightful, revealing interview.

Inevitably, we're wrong.

Bonnie Fuller is on full PR mode, offering annoying pat responses to inquiries about her future ("My next step is continuing to grow all the great magazines and brands here at American Media") and refusing even to answer the most banal questions, such as "what are you worst at?"

[Note to Bonnie: You don't have to be heart-wrenchingly honest here. No need for a candid response involving the phrases "soulless bitch" or "sleazy muckraker." Just say something stupid like "I'm a perfectionist" or "It's so hard for me to fit exercise into my busy schedule of ruining innocent people's lives."]

Truthfully, we can't quite figure out why Bonnie's suddenly rendered incapable of normal speech (possibly she's still traumatized by the Brad/Jen breakup?) but we've nevertheless reprinted the most telling excerpts below for your viewing "pleasure."

And what are you worst at?

Do I have to talk about that? [Laughs.] I'd rather not discuss that.

What is the next step in your career? There are rumors that you are ready to make a move.

My next step is continuing to grow all the great magazines and brands here at American Media.

Eventually, say 10 years down the line, what would be your dream job?

Who knows 10 years down the line? I'm very happy to be here and work with these terrific magazines.

Is it true that your offices are moving?

That has already been addressed in the media. No.

Terrific interview Bonnie. In fact, it was almost as great as all those great magazines and brands over at American Media!