Have you heard? Rich bankers in New York, the poncy swindlers who keep us out of Manhattan after sundown (they've discovered the LES!), are becoming a tad less rich. Boo hoo. And with the money goes the ridiculous luxuries it buys. No more willowy blonds who don't mind not kissing during sex, no more bespoke wingtips and, according to various nightlife connoisseurs, no more fucking bottle service. Huzzah!

In deference to those kind, decent human beings who know nothing of the favorite pastime of New York's most detestable pricks, bottle service is a practice in which scantily clad club waitresses bring overpriced bottles of vodka to tables of wealthy, hooting clowns who like rap music but hate black people. Good times! But God knows they couldn't last; clubs around New York are kiboshing the service as our nation falls into financial ruin and i-bankers run around with less disposable income:

In the past decade, as New York has been injected with funny money, a bottle culture has permeated clubland, driving the price for a single bottle to upwards of $400. … Although new ventures like 1Oak have tried to package their experience more as a type of velvet egalitarianism, the simple truth is that it is hardly that. Clubs are tied to Wall Street more than ever. And it won’t just be the big Saturday night table hits where clubs will be hurting.

And this from a club flack:

Quo, then Myst and finally Prime were one of the most successful "bottle" venues in NYC. We took full advantage of that era. But now, that era is over and its time for a new model.

With the new Prime comes a new attitude and a new goal creating pleasure for the customer and making the party a fun party. Admission will no longer be driven by bottle sales. If someone looks good enough to get in and comes with the right attitude, they will get in without bottles

Damn right. It's about time New York hot spots got back to judging people by how they look, not how much money they make. See you in the hair gel aisle.