Usually when our friends get mugged, there isn't a police report. But, when they do file one, the report usually reads something like: "Victim was really hammered at some no-name bar on 5th St., and probably deserved to get the shit beat out him."

Not Nick Lachey's. When his trillion dollar watch gets stolen, the police report reads:

"He was watching football in a cabana at the Delano. He took off the watch, putting in a gym bag when he went swimming in the pool. The bag was in the last cabana with a group of people. He returned to the bag an hour later, but the watch was gone. He notified Delano Security, and they assisted. The victim in looking for the item said he was staying at the Shore Club, but went to the Delano with friends to watch a game. Victim has the serial number in California and is going to call back after he gets home."

Phew, did you get all that officer? Oh, you're going to assign a detective to the case? Fab.

Fast forward to two weeks later, after the police have taken their officers off of the drug dealing streets to handle Nick Lachey's stolen watch case:

"Oh, my assistant didn't call you? Yeah, I found the watch in my luggage. Sorry, dude."

Nick Lachey's Police Report [Digital City, TMZ]
Nick's Miami Crime Caper [TMZ]