If there’s one thing we learned from high school, it’s that women hate women. Maybe it’s evolutionary, but girls constantly put one another down, criticize one another and are jealous of any attention or success their peers get.

And unlike Calculus, we haven’t forgotten this lesson as we’ve gone through the world. Women are bitches. It’s just a fact.
Based on the ads for tampons and vaginal perfumes, tabloids are read mostly by women. So it’s no surprise that these magazines devote more space to struggling starlets than to actors who should actually be on suicide watch.

Sexism isn’t to blame, exactly. Women just get off on seeing beautiful women struggle. Serial drunk driver Keifer Sutherland can be saved. But Paris Hilton deserves what’s coming to her.

Sympathy doesn’t sell magazines. Schadenfreude, however, moves units.