Okay, we know what you're thinking, 'Why,' you wonder, 'should we read Cable Quotables when TMZ has already done 18 (check that, 20!) items on a coked up LiLo, who may or may not have tried to run over her former assistant in a white Denali?'

The answer? Because you can! Because it's what Dina Lohan would have wanted. And because a dangerously inebriated Intern Wendy will chase you around in her 1987 Chrystler LeBaron if you don't. Enjoy!

• "Surfer Girl," Doocy. Learn it. Live it. Know it." Bill O’Reilly, urging Steve Doocy to mellow out, The O’Reilly Factor, July 16

• "A crime so minor that it‘s not even – I mean, you have to remind yourself that it is a crime. So if he double-parked or went into a handicapped zone, would he be apologizing to the American people?" Tucker Carlson, comparing sex with a prostitute to a minor traffic violation, MSNBC Live, July 16

• "I’m happy to clarify that. I don’t see what difference it makes. But I’m happy – you know me, I’m the great clarifier." Bill O’Reilly, explaining it all, The O’Reilly Factor, July 18

• "You and I are freaks to go in as journalists." Robert Novak, finding a fellow friend/outcast in Tucker Carlson, Tucker, July 18

• "Dan, I can‘t stop looking at you without laughing." Susan Filan, presumably after accidentally stumbling into Dan Abrams' dressing room, MSNBC Live, July 18

• "Oh, goodness. Oh, no, no, no, no. This is not—wait. This is—I don’t know how this got in here. This is not—is that Larry King dancing? Good lord. What—that is just—that’s just not right. I’m sorry. I don’t know how that got in there. Whoever put that in there will—will be dealt with very firmly." Anderson Cooper, "horrified" by Larry King’s Dancing With the Stars audition tape, Anderson Cooper 360, July 19