• "The culture is probably working much harder at making little girls want a Bratz doll than a Jesus doll." —John Gibson, realizing that "water into wine" can't compete with dressing like a hooker, The Big Story, August 1

• "News flash people, god is in children and flowers and the morning dew. He is not way up a vagina. OK? Look elsewhere." —Michael Musto, detailing his personal spiritual quest, Countdown, July 31

• "You know, it's odd. I'm on a rooftop, and I don't see any pigeons. Maybe — maybe it's had an effect already. Is it possible?" —Anderson Cooper, sharing his aviary contraceptives knowledge, Anderson Cooper 360, July 31

• "Talk to—have an honest conversation with anybody who has gone on a radical vegetarian diet, and they will tell you they have to remind themselves that sex exists." —Tucker Carlson, on why he'll never go vegan, Tucker, July 31

• "Guns don't kill people. Dogs kill people." —Willie Geist, pimping the NRA, Tucker, August 1