Sigh. Another slow news Friday spent intermittently nodding off and daydreaming about a job that actually has . But wait! Suddenly, a cure for your boredom (or at least a momentary reprieve!) Read on to find out what Bill and Hillary's marriage has in common with a 7/11, what Bill O'Reilly's really thinks of the CIA, and why you'll never think of the Gaza strip the same way again.

• "And you still support them? You still feed them?" Bill O’Reilly, imploring Dennis Miller to starve his kids because they like Jon Stewart better, The O’Reilly Factor, August 15

• "They should have, because that marriage couldn’t be any more about convenience if they installed a Slim Jim rack and a Slurpee machine at the base of their bed." Dennis Miller, on Bill and Hillary Clinton eternal union, The O’Reilly Factor, August 15

• "To these people, the Gaza Strip is when Britney disrobes down to her fertile crescent." Michael Musto, on geography, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline style, Countdown, August 13

• "They actually make Julia Stiles cut her own hair. And that was enough for me. I turned against the CIA immediately." Bill O’Reilly, convinced The Bourne Ultimatum is a documentary, The O’Reilly Factor, August 15

• "I like dressing up like women. What can I say?" Willie Geist, dreaming of raiding Contessa Brewer’s closet, Tucker, August 15