"I'm enjoying this abundance of material while I can," writes Intern Wendy. "Once Nancy Grace gives birth and Britney goes off to a prolonged rehab, I may have to retire the column!" But for now, it's a veritable schmorgasboard, kids! So read up and enjoy it while you can.

• “Why don’t we teach dogs how to put condoms on?” Dennis Miller, offering a modernized take on Bob Barker's "pet" project, The O’Reilly Factor, September 12

• “So what do we have here…sleepy, lazy, tipsy?” Keith Olbermann, casting the "All Britney" version of the Seven Dwarfs, Countdown, September 12

• “The only time she came alive during the whole thing is when she grabbed that male dancer’s crotch. She was like, I know this part.” Michael Musto, on what Britney Spears really did with “Mindfreak” Chris Angel, Countdown, September 12

• "Oh, Kimberly, let me just tell you, they sleep all day, and the minute they hear the music for this show, they go crazy. OK? They're dancing. They're tae-boeing. It's really something." Nancy Grace, already driving her unborn twins crazy, Nancy Grace, September 13

• “Yes, I know I shouldn’t talk about her being fat, but I’m not 25 and I didn’t wear a bra and panties outfit on world-wide TV — and she did.” John Gibson, admitting the only thing scarier than Britney Spears in a too-tight bikini is John Gibson in a Speedo, The Big Story, September 14