In today's Joe Scarborough themed edition of Cable Quotables, Intern Wendy reminds us all that no matter how crazy we are, there's always someone crazier. And that person has his own morning talk show. Read on to find out more about Joe's schizophrenic, god-fearing and street tough sides. Then find out what's cuter than a cocker spaniel (Answer: nothing) and curse Willie Geist for ruining your kid's holiday cheer.

• “Wait, hold on. Wait a second. I don‘t have that domain yet. Hold on, Joe Scarborough is God of the universe…” Joe Scarborough, entering the blogosphere with his typical understated humility, Scarborough Country, May 29

• “My dog sometimes comes to me and tells me fantastical lies.” Joe Scarborough, proving Rover really is a (crazy) man's best friend, Morning Joe, May 30

• “I like Joe. He smokes crack a little too much.” Joe Scarborough, disarming us with his sleep-deprived honesty, Morning Joe, May 30

• “I‘m not anti-whale, but I have never seen the appeal of a whale over say a Golden Retriever or a Cocker Spaniel. I never got the whale fever.” Tucker Carlson, evidently not a fan of Sea World, Tucker, May 30

• “Remember that moment you found out there was no Santa Claus? I‘m reliving that right now. It hurts. Is anything real? Does my mom love me?” Willie Geist, wrecking Christmas for children everywhere, Tucker, May 30