For every question there is an answer, and for every answer another question is born. And, according to Correspondent Wendy, today's column addresses a very important hypothetical question indeed, namely "What would happen if a closeted news anchor and a conservative blowhard from the same network interviewed each other? Since," as Wendy explains, "we couldn't get Shepard Smith and Bill O'Reilly, I give you Anderson Cooper and Glenn Beck." Which leaves us with only one question: Why?

• “I believe I personally negatively impacted the state of Tennessee when I sobered up.” Glenn Beck, shouldering the blame for the recent decline in Jim Beam's stock price, Glenn Beck, November 21

• “Hello, my name is Glenn, and I'm a loser.” Glenn Beck, disproving the public perception that politicians and cable news pundits are a bunch of liars, Glenn Beck, November 21

• “This is the map of Florida, and the little red dots are where all the celebrities live. If they really believe in global warming, why would you live where the red dots are?” Glenn Beck, hoping Al Gore sells his condo in Del Boco Vista, Glenn Beck, November 21

• “Sleep's like the best thing in my life. What else you got going on?” Anderson Cooper, giving props to his R.E.M. cycle, Glenn Beck, November 21

• “Did you get beat up in school for crying so much?” Anderson Cooper, startled to find himself face to face with someone nerdier than himself, Glenn Beck, November 21

• “How long does it take for you to spray on your hair? I'm just asking. Because it's interesting.” Anderson Cooper, showing off his propensity for asking the hardhitting questions, Glenn Beck, November 21