Correspondent Wendy always assumes cable host are on drugs. Can't they just be stupid? We think they're just stupid.

• “I don’t even like guacamole.” Bill O’Reilly, showing how much he hates illegal immigrants, The O’Reilly Factor, February 7

• “I’ll loan them miles.” Anderson Cooper, offering to help Amy Winehouse make it to the Grammys, Anderson Cooper 360, February 8

• “That was perfect. That was fantastic. Yes, Ozzy Osbourne was really good. But you, I’ve got to tell you, you were fantastic. We’re probably going to have a few more people audition. But as far as I’m concerned, you’re the voice of 360 in my book.” Anderson Cooper, telling Fran Drescher she’s the “voice” of his show, Anderson Cooper 360, February 8

• “By the way—she was hiding her face with a parrot, which is how I answer my door, with a parrot.” Anderson Cooper, using a bird as a beard, Anderson Cooper 360, February 8

• “Winston Churchill got the award. Conan O’Brien used to be one of the presidents of the Lampoon.” Paris Hilton, proving that even the Harvard Lampoon makes mistakes, On the Record, February 8

• “I’m not perfect. I’ve said dumb things. It may surprise you.” Sean Hannity, shocking nobody with his confession, Hannity and Colmes, February 8