Correspondent Wendy's quotes from cable news make us happy we don't watch cable news.

• “Please speak slowly, I’m not that bright. Write it in big doodles. I’d really appreciate it.” Alan Colmes, stating the obvious, Hannity and Colmes, February 11

• “If you`re going to be trussed up, hooded, hung from the ceiling while wearing women`s shoes, you fall out of those shoes, you really better hope that you`re dead. You know what I mean? You don`t want to explain it.” Glenn Beck, sharing how he spends his spare time, Glenn Beck, February 12

• “This woman has been cheated on more than a blind woman playing Scrabble with gypsies.” Dennis Miller, explaining the Bill and Hillary Clinton relationship, The O’Reilly Factor, February 13

• “That was NBA star Lebron James, taking a shot at kind of becoming the voice of 360. He’s one of our latest contenders. He’s got some tough competition, of course, including Ozzy Osbourne and my personal favorite, Fran Drescher.” Anderson Cooper, telling LeBron James hel’s not crazy enough for his show, Anderson Cooper 360, February 14

• “Beagles can be patriots, too.” Bill O’Reilly, inviting the Westminster Dog Show winner Uno to appear on the show, The O’Reilly Factor, February 15

• “I’m getting a tube top for my birthday.” Mika Brzezinski, MSNBC’s next Hot News Babe, Morning Joe, February 18