• “I’ll be dead, you’ll be dead, who cares!” —Bill O’Reilly, unimpressed that his kids may live to be 150 years old, The O’Reilly Factor, April 1

• “I wonder where he falls on the whole Heidi/LC feud that’s been brewing for the past couple of years.” —Willie Geist, pondering who John McCain’s favorite babe is on The Hills, Morning Joe, April 3

• “If you become ill and you die in a year, can you accept that?” —Bill O’Reilly, putting a death curse on Barbara Walters drops, The O’Reilly Factor, April 1

• “Bill, how many idiots have you known in your life who you get along with?” —Dennis Miller, describing his relationship with Bill O’Reilly, The O’Reilly Factor, April 2

• “Listen, Nancy, I`ll tell you what. I`ll give you $25,000, you let me spit in your face. Think about that.” —Joe Episcopo, hoping Nancy Grace will let him live out the fantasy of millions, Nancy Grace, April 3