• "I‘m confident somewhere there‘s an outtake of me that looks a little like that. If have you it, please post it immediately. Send me a link. It will probably be from when I was at Fox." Keith Olbermann, competing with Bill O'Reilly for best tantrum ever, Countdown, May 12

• "But I noticed they also said I still cannot believe in married gay aliens. So things are about the same as they always have been." —Dennis Miller, explaining why the Vatican's belief in UFOs doesn't matter, The O'Reilly Factor, May 14

• "It's like getting an endorsement from Ryan Seacrest." —Dennis Miller, on the unimportance of John Edwards, The O'Reilly Factor, May 14

• "It`s going to — I`m a little afraid. I`ve never partied with you, and seeing that I`m an alcoholic Mormon, it could get ugly." —Glenn Beck, scared to hang out with Ted Nugent, Glenn Beck, May 14

• "I think it's good news for MSNBC. I think it's good news for our country." —Andy Borowitz, thrilled that Chris Matthews is getting naptime, Morning Joe, May 15