Today, some of our nation's finest discuss the three lesser known aspects of the American Dream: fights, freaks and porn. On hand to make sense of it all is the indefatiguable Intern Wendy, who chronicles everything from Joe Scarborough's caffeine addiction to Dennis Miller's midget fetish to Danny Bonaduce's idea of divine justice. Enjoy!

• “I‘m going to let you guys go at it. I‘m going to just have a little bit of Starbucks.” Joe Scarborough, not letting a spontanoues round of fisticuffs interrupt his decaf grande no-foam half-soy latte, Scarborough Country, May 14

• “If you want to interview a midget crackhead, fine.” Dennis Miller, approving next week's guestlist, The O’Reilly Factor, May 16

• “I mean, you could just smell the mustiness of that rhetoric. I mean, it turns me on still.” Tucker Carlson, showing off his "kinky" side, Tucker, May 16

• “It gives me chills. There is something faintly obscene about Fudgie the Whale.” Tucker Carlson, exploring the dark side of a Carvel ice cream cake, Tucker, May 16

• “Britney, I really do think—I don‘t think she fits in the Lindsay Lohan category. I barely think she fits into a category. As a matter of fact, I think they should just free Paris Hilton and shoot Lindsay Lohan and just call it a draw.” Danny Bonaduce, solving the world's pop tart crisis once and for all, Scarborough Country, May 16