Words we never thought we'd say: Keith Olbermann gives Tucker Carlson a run for his dirty talk money this week. Intern Wendy agrees; unlike Lindsay Lohan, this week's quotes are so funny, they barely need an introduction. Happy Friday, folks.

• "I can't bear it. I can't bear it. I can't. I can't watch it. It's just too difficult for me to watch." —Barry Manilow, on the agony of watching American Idol auditions, Larry King Live, April 14

• "And I was just going to say, when I saw 70 percent, say they're, you know, switching beer for religion. Doesn't sound like my college days, unfortunately." —Rita Cosby, wishing she were back in school, Hardball, April 14

• "Say this about him, he always still gives good sound bite." —Keith Olbermann, on the press' love for Donald Rumsfeld, Countdown, April 14

• "I would like to see you move to China." Neil Cavuto, telling Bill O'Reilly to get the fuck out of our country, The O'Reilly Factor, April 17

• "I'm screwed." —Keith Olbermann, Countdown, April 19

• "I can respect the guy who was protecting his beer." —A.J. Hammer on football games, Showbiz Tonight, April 19

• "And ding-dong, door-to-door free breast exam man." —Keith Olbermann, dreaming about his dream job, Countdown, April 20

• "Tucker, the idea of Madeline Albright in spandex doing leg presses will haunt my dreams forever and ever and ever." —Willie Geist, The Situation, April 20