Hello, friends, and welcome to these week's tasty buffet of Cable Quotables. Today we have the always intriguing Tuker Carlson fantasy, and somebody who for some unbeknownst reason does not want to spank Anderson Cooper. Intern Wendy tore herself away from writing love letters to Wolf Blitzer just long enough to catch the rest of the talking heads making sense out of our complicated world.

• "Caught by Cosby — a shocking videotape inside a McDonald's. You can call the perpetrator a hamburgler?" — Rita Cosby, hoping to catch Ronald McDonald doing a perp walk, Live and Direct, April 27

• "She is the sexy librarian. Like at first, you don't really get it. She's just like Mrs. Johnson from next door. You know, Timmy's mom? But the deeper you look, the cuter she is." — Tucker Carlson, fantasizing about the lady in the Ditech ads, The Situation, April 27

• "I suddenly feel, in looking at this story, like I'm at the International House of Pancakes as a 10-year-old, and I've got one of those place mats that have all the little numbers that you connect, literally 30 or 40 dots that you are connecting here, and finally they make somebody's face." — Keith Olbermann, Countdown, April 28

• "I would catch you, too, but I'm not going to spank you." — Erica Hill talking nonsence to Anderson Cooper, Anderson Cooper 360, April 28

• "I mean, tell me, is Paula Abdul a little more than a potted plant?" — Joe Scarborough, Scarborough Country, May 2

• "And I have to ask this. How do you go to the bathroom? How do you get food?" — Rita Cosby grills David Blaine, Live and Direct, May 3

• "I totally — oh I've eaten like 19 pounds of it … Silly putty's not bad either actually. Glow in the dark's the best." — Tucker Carlson, loves him some Play-Doh, The Situation, May 3