Oh Anderson Cooper. Just because you were compared to Paris Hilton before Obama was doesn't mean you should take on her feuds.
Revealing he too is a Living Lohan watcher, Cooper went after Hilton nemesis Lindsay Lohan and her whole clan this week on Regis and Kelly. He described sister Ali, accurately, as someone who "looks to be about 60 … I say that with concern and love. She allegedly wants to be a singer and or actor-slash-performer of some sort, striptease person, I don't know."
But now Momma Bear has her panties in an understandable twist, negligent father Michael is, because he lives for this sort of thing, having his say — but it seems our Silver Fox won't back down until the legitimately famous Lohan member makes a statement. Roll tape! CONTINUED »
On last night’s Living Lohan, 14-year-old Ali was “tormented” by some classmates who said she needs to stop trying to be like big sister Lindsay. (Well, they have a point.) Naturally, mother bear Dina was appalled, because apparently she forgot about what’s said in all those tabloids she reads every morning over coffee.
Click through for video of the worst bullying in history (except not).
On last night's episode, an electrical fire leads Dina Lohan to mapping out an emergency escape route. Perhaps Ali will use it to escape her mother. [earlier]
We've tried our damndest to remove The View from our cultrual radar. Enough with Sherri Shepherd reminding America she's functionally retarded. Or Elisabeth Hasselbeck reminding America that she had a baby and loves George Bush. Or Whoopi Goldberg reminding everybody that she can barely stand to be there.
But then producers whipped up this genius segment: In discussing the possibility of booking Dina and Ali Lohan, who want to promote their Living Lohan show, the decision was made that they'd be allowed on the show … only if they were willing to discuss Lindsay. CONTINUED »
Though we only trust Nielsen's ratings numbers about as much as Lindsay Lohan's denials about enjoying a smooch with Samantha Ronson now and then, the ratings company is the bearer of bad news for the starlet and her fam.
Lohan's guest appearance on Ugly Betty's season finale only bumped audience numbers up by 300k from the previous week's episode; and that number was down 16.2 percent from last season's finale. [E!]
Not only that, but Lohan fatigue is on its way to officially becoming a trend: E!'s Living Lohan, which only mama Dina, sister Ali, and that little boy appear in, couldn't even beat Denise Richards' own reality show It's Complicated, which premiered back-to-back. Living nabbed 1.45m viewers to Richards' 1.5m. [Us]
At least there's a break between now and Lindsay's Carlos Gardel biopic Dare to Love Me, which might mean box office receipts will be down a mere 85 percent from I Know Who Killed Me.
More uncomfortable than watching Ali Lohan repeat the talking points about her E! reality show Living Lohan – that the show is an effort to "set the record straight," as her mother insisted on GMA, and that they're just another normal American family, and that "you'll have to watch" to see if Lindsay is on the show – that were drilled into her head?
More awkward than David Letterman calling Ali by her sister Lindsay's name?
More bizarre than seeing her Micro Mini Maltese dog on a table in the green room?
Watching Letterman allude to Lindsay's alleged coat stealing and Ali stumble over it.
As if Dina and Ali Lohan's terrible, must-watch series Living Lohan wasn't putrid enough, you can add "blatant corporate tie ins" to your many reasons to complain about the show while waiting nervously for its premiere.
Living Lohan is being produced by the Maloof brothers, who sometimes dine with Britney Spears, and other times run a multi-billion dollar empire that includes the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas and the Sacramento King basketball team.
And don't think they signed up to work with difficult Dina Lohan just because her dye job looks okay on camera: They're in it for the synergy.
So how will the fame-seeking Lohans work together with the publicity-seeking Maloofs? CONTINUED »
Dina Lohan wants "boundaries with the paparazzi" when she also wants to earn a fee for pimping out her youngest daughter Ali? The scenario is so laughable, it's almost worth tuning in for. But also to see her scream at some gossip outlet – probably a blog! with a phone number! – for some raunchy pictures of daughter Lindsay.
You remember Lindsay, the daughter who for once had the foresight not to put herself in a terrible publicity situation and refused to take part in the show, making Dina's phone calls to her the only way to get her name involved in this charade? CONTINUED »
Ali Lohan "can't sing a a song that I don't believe in." Dina Lohan chimes in with "That can't happen, this is money." Ali Lohan imagines her rise to fame will be quicker than her sister's. Dina Lohan's blonde tresses look voluminous.
And that's all the substance you can expect from Living Lohan. CONTINUED »
• Actress/mascara model Penelope Cruz is nothing but a thin-lashed fraud. And that's not the only thing fake about her. (Um, yeah, like that phony accent is real!)
• Buy your celebrity bobblehead today! Or just stare at pictures of Nicole Richie and Rachel Zoe instead.
• Dakota Fanning is growing up before our very eyes! First come the skinny jeans, then before you know it, the coke-fueled driving under the influence (and with a suspended license) charges.
• Ali Lohan comes to big sister Lindsay's defense, characterizes Michael Lohan as a deadbeat dad (well, obvs) and defends Dina Lohan's parenting style as "more than adequite."
• Check it out! It's Denise Richards in a bikini without "that greasy douche from Bon Jovi."
From Sunday's New York Times article which focused on the fall of Michael Jackson from rich mega pop star to a guy who makes his children dress up like ghosts every day. He's so freaky we couldn't even bring ourselves to put up a photo of him.
And not only is he freaky, he's also totally broke. (Because he's a freak and people don't want anything to do with him.)
The arc of Mr. Jackson's career, and his management of his business and financial affairs, tracks some of the timeworn truisms about the realities of the entertainment industry and those who inhabit its upper tiers: a child star unwittingly beholden to others who control his bank account; a more mature adult who is savvy about packaging and marketing himself but who grows increasingly undisciplined about his spending; and, finally, a reclusive caricature locked inside a financial and emotional fantasyland of his own making.
Child stars everywhere are now looking into careers in teaching, waitressing, and blogging in order to avoid the harsh reality of what happens when money showers down on someone before the age of 16 just because they have talent and really messed up parents.
Since she had some semblance of normal life until a few years ago, we guess Lindsay Lohan may have a chance and not turning into a freaked out reclusive child molester. But Ali is so totally screwed.
What Happened to the Fortune Michael Jackson Made? [Timothy L. O'Brien]
Matt Drudge's fashion coverage is just so spectacular. Of all the pictures from a runway show, why pick the one where the girl's entire face is covered?
Well, we guess we should just be glad we went to Drudge, and he used the word "kiddie" without following it with "porn." Plus, Ali Lohan is probably thrilled that there was one kid out there who embarrassed herself more than she did.
Child, what are you doing?
Isn't your magazine supposed to be about how to raise cherubic children to be perfectly preppy and refined? Why, oh why would you host a fashion show in which childhood almost stars strut their potential to become vapid drug and bulimia induced half-adults? (We almost want to put a triple question mark at the end of this for emphasis.)
50 Cent's son, Marquise, Lindsay Lohan's little sisters, Aliana and Dakota, and Catherine Malandrino's son, Oliver, will strut the runway at Child magazine's Fashion Week show featuring clothes by Sean John, Tory Burch and Lucy Sykes.
Twenty bucks says that after the party in the hotel lobby, Ali Lohan will hook it up with 50 Cent Jr. in the dressing room, while Dakota (Lindsay Lohan's brother) rolls a joint with that other kid in the bathroom. (We actually have no idea how old these kids are, but we don't really care. We're sure that above age 5 all celebrity related kids are done for.)
However, we do know one thing: Cookie would never try to pull a stunt like this.
We Hear [Paula Froelich, Page Six]
It used to be that if you had famous parents or talent you could become a celebrity. Now, all you need is a sold out former "Mickey Mouse Club" star for a brother or sister. When annoying celebrities have siblings who are even more annoying than they are, for some unbeknownst reason, people eat it up.
Look at Ashlee Simpson. Nobody (not even Maxim) can figure out how the hell that girl sold a CD, had a reality show, and sold out a tour. But she did. Even though Jessica Simpson can't act, and sings like she has a speech impediment, people thought Ashlee had talent. Well, someone must have thought that — she worked so hard at being cool she collapsed, for Christ's sake.
Ali Lohan, Solange Knowles, and Aaron Carter are all trying to follow in their famous sib's footsteps and most likely, they suck even more than their family members. (We know, it doesn't seem possible.)
If only the PopoZao were allowed to crash into these losers, then we would at least be able to laugh at them. But now, thanks to California, we have nothing to look forward to in 2006.
Family plan for success! [Rebecca Louie, NYDN]
• Who would New Yorkers vote off the island? Heiress bitch Paris Hiton finally gets the Manolo Blahnik boot she deserves. [Page Six]
• Lindsay Lohan's paparazzi smash wasn't on purpose. It was what non-celebs who get in car crashes call "an accident." [MSNBC]
• When Eva Longoria and her boyfriend aren't driving around calling people "Mexican bike cops," they make music videos together. Starring each other. [Extra]
• Ali Lohan's Totally Awesome Christmas is totally f'in ridiculous. [NYDN]
• Kate Moss is on white powdery stuff again. Hey, at least this picture won't cost her the Virgin Mobile campaign. [The Sun]
• Silly celebrities, nip slips are so last year. [TMZ]
• Ali Lohan signed up for Joe Simpson's A Lister class. She does need a new dad….[OANmedia]
• And we've been saving all month to send our new editor to learn blogging from Jessica Coen at the 92nd St. Y. [Gawker]
• 105 Time Inc. employees will have to cancel their Per Se reservations. [Ad Age]
• Yeah, we didn't really understand that whole "Colin Farrell man boobs" thing either. [Salon]
• Mischa Barton is terrified of Rachael Bilson's boobs. The Queerty guys are shuddering in agreement. [The Scoop]
• The new Hearst lifestyle mag, Weekend, staffs up for the launch. If you can sift through all the Time Inc. axings, that is. [Mediabistro]
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